status: thirsty for hawkeye 19
status: thirsty for hawkeye 19
What about an Animorphs crossover between the book series and the TV series and they have to go on a mission together for reasons. And the book chars are like “HOLY SHIT WE ARE IN PLAIN SIGHT WE ARE GONNA DIE” and the TV characters are like “chill out, dudes, we are fine, just keep your knees slightly bent”
i fuckging love the hawkguy comics hawkguy for president
This is a really difficult subject. As a sometimes white-passing mixed person, I think I know how your mixed friend is feeling.
Basically, it’s a mixture of white guilt, perhaps some ‘lightskin* guilt’ (if that’s a thing), and fear of the multiple rejection that mixed people so often experience.
I hear “mixed people shouldn’t have to deny or disown a part of themselves” a lot. But in most cases, this ‘part of themselves’ is the oppressed racial lineage, which is mostly (in the English-speaking world and for WAAMU’s audience) the lineage from people of colour.
We know how that feels. It’s destructive, angering, saddening, and one reaction is to fight back. The mixed-with-white** people in WAAMU’s audience have probably already gone through/ are going through this struggle with their POC heritage.
As they’re doing that, they are facing criticism about their white lineage from other mixed and non-mixed people of colour. You may not mean it as a personal attack, but it can feel like that, much like the typical “Oh, X race is awful, but don’t worry, I’m not talking about you, you don’t really count.”
So on a personal, individual level, mixed-with-white people are feeling the pressure from both sides. Unable or unwilling to fit in in the white world, they turn to the mixed or POC worlds, only to feel like they are once more under attack, or that they are bearing the responsibility for racist actions of part of their lineage.
And it’s true. If we mixed-with-white people want to claim all our heritage and exist within all those communities, we must assume responsibility for the racism that comes from what we consider ‘part of ourselves’. I fully understand that my white ancestors and white people in my community today perpetuate(d) and profit(ed) from racism. I assume the responsibility of trying to fix that as best as I can***. I learn about the genocides, the slaveries, the exploitation, the violence, and the dehumanisation. I learn about slurs, about cultural appropriation, and especially about how not to talk over other mixed and POC people.
Not to give myself too many cookies here, but that shit is hard. Finding out that your ancestors are murderers and slavers? That you exist right now partly because the exploitation of people of colour secured your white family’s wealth? Disgusting. Horrifying. I have a suspicion that my first polynesian-white ancestor wasn’t the product of a consensual marriage either. Literally makes me want to throw up.
And there, you see, is the real difficulty of your friend’s situation. Think about what I just said - one of my ancestors might have been a rape victim, and another one might have been a rapist, and the only way it was allowed to happen was a combination of misogyny and institutionalised racism. I come from people who are exploiters and exploited, and that is a really difficult reality to face and adjust to.
Now, your friend may not have this particular scenario in her family (I really hope she doesn’t), but that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t have a similar problem. She’s probably beginning to understand how awful ‘white people as a group’ can be, thanks to them being part of the institution of racism, as Melody put it. Perhaps she’s realising that by claiming her white heritage, she’s also accepting that she too is ‘part of’ the white people group and the institution of racism. If they are a part of you, then you are a part of them.
I mean, Anon, you’ve actually put it very well: “While she understands what I’m talking about, she gets real upset”. Of course she does. Maybe she doesn’t understand it so explicitly, but her saying “white people are shit” and ‘I feel so shitty’ is her coming to terms with the fact that she can be both oppressor and oppressed. Not fun.
Okay, actual advice now.
Most of what I’ve been writing is really a response to what Melody wrote, which I found accurate but dismissive. It’s not “just up to [us] to understand [you’re] talking about white people as a group… and not as individuals.” I hear you about the whole ‘I can’t believe I’m explaining this basic fact of life to another person ONE MORE FRICKIN TIME’, but Anon, you have to do it. For your friend’s benefit and for yours, next time you bring up racism and she gets upset, tell her “Friend, I understand you’re upset, but I’m not saying that you personally are a white racist. I’m talking about white people as a group, I’m talking about the institution and culture of racism. Tell me a bit more about why you feel upset. Do you feel that YOU’RE directly responsible for the racist things that I’m talking about? Do you feel like I’m personally criticising you and the white people of your family? Do you feel like I’m saying that you personally use and abuse your white-passing privilege/ lightskin privilege? Do you think I’m saying your white family are using and abusing their white privilege? “
After that you have to roll with it. When you’ve had enough, direct your friend to another mixed-with-white person who you think understands. Hell, show her this post or link her to my blog if you want to.
She might react very defensively, she might break down in tears and let it all out, she might do something else entirely. I dunno. I’m lucky in that I got to deal with all my rage and unhappiness in learning about white & lightskin privilege on the other side of a screen to the person doing the teaching.
She’s your friend, and you obviously seem to care about her well-being a lot, so I say go for it! Engage in constructive and difficult conversation. Just remember that if things get too emotionally tough, you CAN call it quits, and you CAN compromise and decide to drop the education angle of your relationship for a while (or forever). There’s no rulebook for helping mixed-with-white people to accept their dual heritage of oppressed and oppressor, just try to be as understanding of her as she is of you.
Best of luck, I really do hope this ends up well for you and your friend. If you want to chat some more, feel free to message me.
* I’m aware that lightskin is mainly only used by the black community, especially in America - is there another word for lightskin privilege for non-black people? Or like, in my han family there’s a lot of “oh you look mixed-with-white that’s so beautiful”, which I’ve always interpreted as colourism.
** I understand some people call themselves black mixed, or mixed Asian, but I would never call myself a white mixed person. I’m mixed with white, but it’s not what dominates for me. Generally I call myself mixed, or mixed POC, and use mixed-with-white/ mixed-with-han/ mixed-with-polynesian to specify.
*** Mostly I try to educate the racists around me (who unfortunately, in my family, are white, han, AND polynesian), but this takes its toll on my family (and friends) and my relationship with them. How far I push their education is between me and them - I wouldn’t appreciate anyone telling me that I have to further alienate my dad and grandma because they are racist. I toe the line between harsh-truth educator and child/ grandchild - it’s not easy, and I sure as hell wouldn’t want people to start criticising me on my relationships.
|grandma:||aww are you trying to say grandma?|
|toddler:||get out me car|
in a healthy, close relationship of any kind, when something upsets you, you need to bring it up. as soon as possible, even. cultivate an environment in which you both can talk about things that upset you, with the utmost attention to everyone’s feelings. it’s a really simple thing to do but it’s a thing i’ve been working on for a while and i’m getting actual nice things happening as a result
i like crossovers but i really like the idea of dc and marvel being fictional in eachothers worlds like the teen titans are gonna go see the avengers at the movies tomorrow on their day out and then beast boys gonna do his best…